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As a lifetime ninja, (I was raised by the shadow warriors in Japan), I submit that ninjitsu is far superior to Jeet Kune Do. I don't mean to just throw that out there and have you "serious martial artists" bad mouth me like you do everyone else. Instead, I intend to back my statement up with clear and convincing evidence. Listed below are my top five reasons for ninja superiority.
1. Cooler name: I mean really, Jeet Kune Do? It sounds like something you do in the bathroom. Contrastingly, you have but to whisper the word "ninja" and people shut the hell up and listen. Why? Because ninjas are bad ass.
Sometimes I'll walk by someone in the mall or the grocery store and hiss, "I'm a ninja" real quiet like under my breath. I usually disappear right after that, so not only are they scared to death because they think a ninja's behind them, but I get the added satisfaction of causing them to wonder if they're hearing voices. Try something like that with "Jeet Kune Do" and you're liable to end up with some Chinese food, (you want Cream of Sum Yung Gi?)
2. Cooler outfit: This is a no brainer. Ninja suits put bowel loosening terror into the hearts of men, period! I can't even wear mine out anymore because people shit their pants. I was at the McDonalds drive through the other day, (in my ninja suit AND my ninja car), and the cashier soiled herself right there at the window. She was all like, "That'll be five dollars and fifty- JESUS CHRIST!!! A NINJA!!!"
Needless to say, I wasn't hungry anymore.
What does JKD have? Nothing, unless you count those gay kung fu pants you guys wear sometimes. And what's the deal with those slipper shoes anyway? Are ya kicking ass or going to a pajama party? Please!
3. Better weapons: Last week I got into a fight with a JKD practitioner who had nunchucks. He was actually pretty good, but not good enough for THROWING STARS!!! My third throw landed dead center in the guy's spine, paralyzing him from the neck up. When he tried to move his ears... nothing!
Nunchucks are dorky anyway, not to mention that you're invariably going to smack yourself in the head and/or balls at some point.
4. Magic: Beginning as far back as 3000 BC, (when ninjas ruled Atlantis), magic has grown to become the cornerstone of good ninjitsu. We can disappear, levitate, use hypnosis, and even change into animals to confuse and disorient our pray. What can Jeet Kune Doer's do? Make high pitched noises and jump around. Forget that, man! I'd like to see how bad your stop kicks are when I change into a mongoose. Why don't ya straight blast my razor like claws! Huh?!? ANSWER ME!!!
That's what I thought...
5. Smokebombs: I've saved the best for last because, quite simply, SMOKEBOMBS RULE!!! Most uneducated people, (like you guys), think smokebombs are only used for disappearing, but we ninjas know better. Smokebombs can do all kinds of things, from creating savory meals to dissolving women's clothing. Smokebombs are high in "good" cholesterol, and have been shown to increase penis size in some studies. Smokebombs are also good for the environment, and are thought to be used by some of the more intelligent species of whale. Recent archeological studies confirm that Moses used a smokebomb to part the Red Sea, and Apollo's fiery sun chariot was probably powered by smokebombs, (though admittedly, this has not been conclusively proven... yet).
There you have it, JKDer's, clear and convincing evidence that ninjitsu is superior. If you disagree with anything written above, you are stupid and probably unattractive.
Luckily for you, there aren't too many real ninjas left in the world. We're very stingy with our magical knowledge, and rarely pass it on to more than one student. Since I'm only 30, I haven't yet chosen my own protege, and that presents a very interesting opportunity for you.
Just send a resume along with twenty dollars in cash to:
Mike Descado
583 Ninja Place
Asheville, NC 28804
...and I will consider making one of you my pupil. Any previous experience at changing into animals is a plus, so make your applications as thorough as possible.
(From: http://michaeldescado.tripod.com)
1. Cooler name: I mean really, Jeet Kune Do? It sounds like something you do in the bathroom. Contrastingly, you have but to whisper the word "ninja" and people shut the hell up and listen. Why? Because ninjas are bad ass.
Sometimes I'll walk by someone in the mall or the grocery store and hiss, "I'm a ninja" real quiet like under my breath. I usually disappear right after that, so not only are they scared to death because they think a ninja's behind them, but I get the added satisfaction of causing them to wonder if they're hearing voices. Try something like that with "Jeet Kune Do" and you're liable to end up with some Chinese food, (you want Cream of Sum Yung Gi?)
2. Cooler outfit: This is a no brainer. Ninja suits put bowel loosening terror into the hearts of men, period! I can't even wear mine out anymore because people shit their pants. I was at the McDonalds drive through the other day, (in my ninja suit AND my ninja car), and the cashier soiled herself right there at the window. She was all like, "That'll be five dollars and fifty- JESUS CHRIST!!! A NINJA!!!"
Needless to say, I wasn't hungry anymore.
What does JKD have? Nothing, unless you count those gay kung fu pants you guys wear sometimes. And what's the deal with those slipper shoes anyway? Are ya kicking ass or going to a pajama party? Please!
3. Better weapons: Last week I got into a fight with a JKD practitioner who had nunchucks. He was actually pretty good, but not good enough for THROWING STARS!!! My third throw landed dead center in the guy's spine, paralyzing him from the neck up. When he tried to move his ears... nothing!
Nunchucks are dorky anyway, not to mention that you're invariably going to smack yourself in the head and/or balls at some point.
4. Magic: Beginning as far back as 3000 BC, (when ninjas ruled Atlantis), magic has grown to become the cornerstone of good ninjitsu. We can disappear, levitate, use hypnosis, and even change into animals to confuse and disorient our pray. What can Jeet Kune Doer's do? Make high pitched noises and jump around. Forget that, man! I'd like to see how bad your stop kicks are when I change into a mongoose. Why don't ya straight blast my razor like claws! Huh?!? ANSWER ME!!!
That's what I thought...
5. Smokebombs: I've saved the best for last because, quite simply, SMOKEBOMBS RULE!!! Most uneducated people, (like you guys), think smokebombs are only used for disappearing, but we ninjas know better. Smokebombs can do all kinds of things, from creating savory meals to dissolving women's clothing. Smokebombs are high in "good" cholesterol, and have been shown to increase penis size in some studies. Smokebombs are also good for the environment, and are thought to be used by some of the more intelligent species of whale. Recent archeological studies confirm that Moses used a smokebomb to part the Red Sea, and Apollo's fiery sun chariot was probably powered by smokebombs, (though admittedly, this has not been conclusively proven... yet).
There you have it, JKDer's, clear and convincing evidence that ninjitsu is superior. If you disagree with anything written above, you are stupid and probably unattractive.
Luckily for you, there aren't too many real ninjas left in the world. We're very stingy with our magical knowledge, and rarely pass it on to more than one student. Since I'm only 30, I haven't yet chosen my own protege, and that presents a very interesting opportunity for you.
Just send a resume along with twenty dollars in cash to:
Mike Descado
583 Ninja Place
Asheville, NC 28804
...and I will consider making one of you my pupil. Any previous experience at changing into animals is a plus, so make your applications as thorough as possible.
(From: http://michaeldescado.tripod.com)
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