The question of my wussiness

[Pen]

I'll be frank, considering the veil of anonimity the internet is blessing me with:

I am a wuss.

It's just a fact that I've come to accept over my years. In my childhood I was often picked on, even as I began taking Tae Kwon Do around 12 and for 4 years afterwards. I've never been a confident person, especially when it comes to physical confrontation, and have yet to be in a real fight (that is, one not including a sibling or sparring pads, and taking place after about 13 years of age). I recently started Hapkido about three months ago (which is why I take my question here), and was hoping someone could offer me some insight as to how to keep from literally quaking in one's boots when faced with the possibility of a fight. I turn to jelly, and can't even project the confidence neccessary to save face gracefully.

Can anyone offer some clue as to how to conquer this?

[Mulan]

Well, fighter mindset comes naturally for me, but I think I have a kind of opposite problem than you. However, it seems to me that both too much fear/reluctance and too much confidence/eagerness comes from the same core thing: power/control issues. So, in both spectrums of the problem, I think it'd be helpful to stop seeing sparring as a highly competitive game of winning and losing, and instead see sparring as a learning experience... take the pressure off. Developing healthy friendships with people in your class might help, too, because then they stop being nameless opponents and start being people you could (hopefully) trust and work with for mutual benefit.

Or, if all else fails, "just do it." I find that most of the fear and pressure takes place in the anticipation of a confrontation. Once you're actually on the spot and forced to move and react, that fear usually turns to adrenaline, and you're just there in the moment and don't have time to worry about being afraid.

[IPON]

I am a wuss. It's just a fact that I've come to accept over my years.

Pen I can tell you this is the first part of the problem. In order to change you have to want change first and have a plan to achive change second. By saying you are a wuss and will always be a wuss you are disconnected from the possibility of change.


becuase you are not agressive does not mean you should not develop assertiveness in MA and in life in general. Generally, speaking I would suspect this is a far bigger issue than MA and the underlying issues we can't adress on the forum. However, A good strating point is as Mulan stated dealing with fear or anticipation of the unknown. Not to sound cliche but the best way to beat your fear is to face it and embrace it. For example, I sTarted boxing at a young age and I hated getting hit, I didn't like the pain, I was scared. Well after taking some hits I realized I have gone through the worst (punching) since I knew what the punches felt like there was no reason to be scared. I embraced it and every punch was now motivation for me to work on my defense. In MA you are going through the motions but are not committing as a result you are not getting the full benefit of MA. After 4 years of a MA you should have developed some confidence in your abilities.

With Sparring in class keep it in context no one is there to injure you. You need to rework your outlook. Do not assume people are better than you, positive affirmations may also be of some assistance.

[Thai Bri]

You are not a wuss. We all get the adrenalin dump, but all have different ways of dealing with it. All you need to do is develop a strategy for doing so.

The guy on this site www.geoffthompson.com has suffered much like you have, probably worse. And he overcame it all. Browse the site and consider some of his products. Yes, some are about fighting, but others are about your very problem. There are plenty excerpts to view, and also an excellent discussion forum. Very supportive.

You are not a wuss, you just haven't yet learned how to deal with fear. Just like someone who was never taught to read is not an idiot.

[Tom Yum]

I'll be frank, considering the veil of anonimity the internet is blessing me with:

I am a wuss.

It's just a fact that I've come to accept over my years. In my childhood I was often picked on, even as I began taking Tae Kwon Do around 12 and for 4 years afterwards. I've never been a confident person, especially when it comes to physical confrontation, and have yet to be in a real fight (that is, one not including a sibling or sparring pads, and taking place after about 13 years of age). I recently started Hapkido about three months ago (which is why I take my question here), and was hoping someone could offer me some insight as to how to keep from literally quaking in one's boots when faced with the possibility of a fight. I turn to jelly, and can't even project the confidence neccessary to save face gracefully.

Can anyone offer some clue as to how to conquer this?

Hey Pen, sounds like you're young so I wouldn't worry too much. Maybe you need to grow into your confidence.

You ever watch the HBO Tv series 'Oz'? Start with the first season and follow the transformation of the character named Beecher.

It takes time to develop character and courage. It never happens overnight.

[Pen]

That's really great advice from all of you. : ) I'll take it to heart.