Tweet
Greetings, fellow martial artists! I know everyone must have been wondering for the last couple of months, where the hell is fanman? Well I’m back now (and with a vengence!!!!!!!!!!1). I have been very busy of late and so have not been able to post. It is a very long story, and I know you would all like to hear it. So here goes.
It was a normal day at the office. I was sitting there in the comfort of my trustworthy fan. Then this extremely undignified fellow with a long white coat on came walking in. He looked like a mad scientist. I was like, “WTF, man?”. He walked up right close beside me and said, “There’s something wrong with that fan.”. I looked at it and said, “I don’t see nothin wrong wit it.” He said, “Look closely.” I then looked closely and BANG!!!!! Something hard hit me on da back of da head.
Next thing I know, I’m in some kind of laboratory. I woke up strapped to a operating table thingy and feeling like I’m missing something. I look to the side and see a note. It says:
I’M SURE YOU’RE SITTING THERE THINKING “WTF”? WELL I WON’T KEEP YOU GUESSING. I HAVE TAKEN YOU’RE DIGNITY, TO USE FOR MY OWN PURPOSES. THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET IT BACK IS IF YOU KILL ME YOURSELF, BUT THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. AH HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!
- EXTREMELY UNDIGNIFIED MAD SCIENTIST.
I must have been screaming for an hour. How could someone steal my dignity? I need that! Then I told myself, fanman, you’re gonna have to calm down if you wanna get anywhere. I concentrated my chi power and broke the straps. I was determined to find this mad scientist and get back my dignity.
I walked out onto the street and scanned my surroundings. He was nowhere in site. Then I saw this hot chik standin nearby. She say, “you lookin for da mad scientist?” I say, yeah. She say, “I’m his assistant. I’ll tell you where he gone, but you have to do me a favour.” Knowing how popular I am with the opposite sex, I could guess where this was goin. But anyway, I play along and I ask her, “What’s the favour?” she say “you gotta sleep with me and I tell you where he is.”
ALRIGHT!!!!!!!! I get the hot chick and the info!
She tell me he’s on some island. On this island they don’t allow guns, so I got another idea. The next day I headed off to Okinawa. I saw some documentary once and it said something about some guy in Okinawa who hides out in a sushi bar and makes really good swords. So I went to just about every sushi bar in Okinawa till I found the guy. It pissed me off because it took him weeks just to make the damn sword. Every day, I’d ask him, you done yet, cuz? He say, sword be ready later. Always later. But it was eventually made. He insisted on havin some big ceremony to give the sword to me and so I eventually agreed. He seemed a bit pissed off, cause a long time ago he promised his wife he’d never make a sword again or some sh!t like that. The good thing about it taking so long was because it gave me a chance to practise my sword skills while I was awaiting my new sword. I was now ready to kill the mad scientist and get back my dignity.
So when I got to the island, I snuck around this big building, looking for clues. I found all these prisoners in a cell, and thought, what the heck! I used my chi power to bend the bars and free them. Later, I heard lotsa noise and I ran outside. There was a big brawl between the prisoners I had set free and some other guys. Then I saw the mad scientist, standing in the shadows and looking on.
When the mad scientist saw me, he looked totally freaked out. He ran into the building and came back out again with some claw device over one of his hands. His eyes met mine. My heart started pounding as he charged towards me. I drew my sword and was ready. This was it. I had nothing to lose. I was ready to get back my dignity or die. We fought fiercely for some time, until he retreated into the building. I quickly ran after him.
I gained the upper hand and was forcing him back. Then something strange happened. After I knocked him against the wall, the wall turned round and he was gone. I knocked myself against the wall. When I got to the other side, what I saw was amazing. It was a room full of walls covered with mirrors. He kept sneaking up on me, as it was too confusing. I started smashing the mirrors and eventually it was a fair fight.
I was getting nowhere by using my sword. He was obviously a very skilled fighter. So I decided I need something more. I used a chi blast, and I sent him flying and he hit the ground. I stepped over him and raised my sword. This was the moment I had been waiting for. “STOP!!!!!” He yelled. “I don’t have you’re dignity! I just wrote that note before I did anything to save time! Then when I used my scanning device on you, it detected that you don’t have any dignity. There was no use trying to take dignity from one such as yourself who has none in the first place. So I left. I had to rush off to get to a martial arts tournament on this island so I forgot to remove the note.”
I said, “If what you are saying is true, then why did I wake up feeling like I was missing something?”
“You might be wanting this,” he said, as he handed me my wallet.
So the whole thing was a waste of time? Not really. At least I got me a sword and had me some fun. But I am left with the question, how do I get me some dignity?
It was a normal day at the office. I was sitting there in the comfort of my trustworthy fan. Then this extremely undignified fellow with a long white coat on came walking in. He looked like a mad scientist. I was like, “WTF, man?”. He walked up right close beside me and said, “There’s something wrong with that fan.”. I looked at it and said, “I don’t see nothin wrong wit it.” He said, “Look closely.” I then looked closely and BANG!!!!! Something hard hit me on da back of da head.
Next thing I know, I’m in some kind of laboratory. I woke up strapped to a operating table thingy and feeling like I’m missing something. I look to the side and see a note. It says:
I’M SURE YOU’RE SITTING THERE THINKING “WTF”? WELL I WON’T KEEP YOU GUESSING. I HAVE TAKEN YOU’RE DIGNITY, TO USE FOR MY OWN PURPOSES. THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET IT BACK IS IF YOU KILL ME YOURSELF, BUT THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. AH HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!
- EXTREMELY UNDIGNIFIED MAD SCIENTIST.
I must have been screaming for an hour. How could someone steal my dignity? I need that! Then I told myself, fanman, you’re gonna have to calm down if you wanna get anywhere. I concentrated my chi power and broke the straps. I was determined to find this mad scientist and get back my dignity.
I walked out onto the street and scanned my surroundings. He was nowhere in site. Then I saw this hot chik standin nearby. She say, “you lookin for da mad scientist?” I say, yeah. She say, “I’m his assistant. I’ll tell you where he gone, but you have to do me a favour.” Knowing how popular I am with the opposite sex, I could guess where this was goin. But anyway, I play along and I ask her, “What’s the favour?” she say “you gotta sleep with me and I tell you where he is.”
ALRIGHT!!!!!!!! I get the hot chick and the info!
She tell me he’s on some island. On this island they don’t allow guns, so I got another idea. The next day I headed off to Okinawa. I saw some documentary once and it said something about some guy in Okinawa who hides out in a sushi bar and makes really good swords. So I went to just about every sushi bar in Okinawa till I found the guy. It pissed me off because it took him weeks just to make the damn sword. Every day, I’d ask him, you done yet, cuz? He say, sword be ready later. Always later. But it was eventually made. He insisted on havin some big ceremony to give the sword to me and so I eventually agreed. He seemed a bit pissed off, cause a long time ago he promised his wife he’d never make a sword again or some sh!t like that. The good thing about it taking so long was because it gave me a chance to practise my sword skills while I was awaiting my new sword. I was now ready to kill the mad scientist and get back my dignity.
So when I got to the island, I snuck around this big building, looking for clues. I found all these prisoners in a cell, and thought, what the heck! I used my chi power to bend the bars and free them. Later, I heard lotsa noise and I ran outside. There was a big brawl between the prisoners I had set free and some other guys. Then I saw the mad scientist, standing in the shadows and looking on.
When the mad scientist saw me, he looked totally freaked out. He ran into the building and came back out again with some claw device over one of his hands. His eyes met mine. My heart started pounding as he charged towards me. I drew my sword and was ready. This was it. I had nothing to lose. I was ready to get back my dignity or die. We fought fiercely for some time, until he retreated into the building. I quickly ran after him.
I gained the upper hand and was forcing him back. Then something strange happened. After I knocked him against the wall, the wall turned round and he was gone. I knocked myself against the wall. When I got to the other side, what I saw was amazing. It was a room full of walls covered with mirrors. He kept sneaking up on me, as it was too confusing. I started smashing the mirrors and eventually it was a fair fight.
I was getting nowhere by using my sword. He was obviously a very skilled fighter. So I decided I need something more. I used a chi blast, and I sent him flying and he hit the ground. I stepped over him and raised my sword. This was the moment I had been waiting for. “STOP!!!!!” He yelled. “I don’t have you’re dignity! I just wrote that note before I did anything to save time! Then when I used my scanning device on you, it detected that you don’t have any dignity. There was no use trying to take dignity from one such as yourself who has none in the first place. So I left. I had to rush off to get to a martial arts tournament on this island so I forgot to remove the note.”
I said, “If what you are saying is true, then why did I wake up feeling like I was missing something?”
“You might be wanting this,” he said, as he handed me my wallet.
So the whole thing was a waste of time? Not really. At least I got me a sword and had me some fun. But I am left with the question, how do I get me some dignity?
Comment