dealing with neighbors...

[treelizard]

A couple weeks ago, one of my neighbors was blasting his music, AGAIN. Usually I try to ignore it, though I did make a noise complaint once but he turned it down before the cops came (if they came.) Anyways, he does this habitually but it was late at night this time, and I was just trying to relax and drink tea and watch Audrey Hepburn and the music was driving me nuts. I decided I'd go over and tell him to turn it down. So I went to his house. Rang the doorbell. He couldn't hear it. Knocked on the window and asked him to please turn his music down because I could hear it half a block away and it was late. I guess I acknowledged this as a possibility b/c I had a bunch of toys on me when I went over, but he started walking out of his house screaming, "Get the f off my property, you bi" which I did, rather quickly, especially since he looked like he was coming after me. But it made me wonder. Is it inherently stupid to ask a neighbor to please turn down their music? Since you don't know how they'll respond, would you just call the cops every time? I would hate to get in a fight with someone over something so trivial.

On the other hand, almost everyone I know has asked a neighbor to turn their music down, and I've done so with other neighbors. Usually they say, "Oh, sorry." Besides, if I had to call the cops every time someone played music too loud late at night...

I had a housemate once who would call the cops over every stupid thing. I mean like three, four times a day. One time there was a dude sitting on our front yard, and she was gonna call the cops, but he wasn't even doing anytrhing! I went out and said hi, and he quickly informed me that he was sitting there because he wanted to take the bus home but not to wait at the bus stop. (Fair enough, I wouldn't have wanted to stay at the stop either.) I just told him, "I hate to tell you this, but if you stay here, my housemate's going to call the cops." He left in all of three seconds.

I guess I'm asking... since this is urban street combatives, how far do you take "avoidance"? One of my instructors told me that I shouldn't do anythign I wouldn't tell an 8-year old to do, but that seems a bit over-the-top. I go out by myself after sunset, meet strangers at cafes, travel alone, etc...

[Sagacious Lu]

Did you ask him to turn it down before you called the cops for the first time or after? Out of common courtesy you HAVE to ask them to turn it down personally before you call the cops, and you have to be very sweet and nice when you do it. If you've tried being nice about it and they're just determined to be an ass-hole then you can call the cops, but if you get the law involved before you talk to him about it than you should expect to be treated with hostility- and for good reason.

[thescottishdude]

that said, if you tell them to turn it down and they don't, when the cops show up they will blame you. Revenge attacks?

[treelizard]

I did make an (anonymous) noise complaint several months ago but I don't think the cops ever showed up. It was like 2 AM and I didn't want to go out and figure out which house it was coming from. I figured it out since then...

This time after our, uh, interaction I decided not to call the cops in case he saw where I was running and knew where I lived (he's not that far away), though I did make it a point to look like I was running in a different direction than I was going, just like we discussed in Kevin Reeve's scout class... you just hide for a sec, they pass you because they think you're really far away, and you go the other way. Luckily I was wearing all black. Also I didn't call because I'm moving really soon, and was looking at it from that angle.

But I guess my point is that when this I went to his house the guy went ballistic. I mean he literally was coming out of his house to tango. If I wasn't as quick of a runner who knows what would've happened. I've been doing a really good job of avoiding situations like that. And I have to admit I was thinking, "What the heck was I doing walking by myself to a stranger's house?" I was armed, but I was on HIS property and I bet if anything had happened even if he was *clearly* the antagonist the first question they'd ask in court would be, "Why didn't you just call the cops? Were you looking for a fight?"

Is this how society devolved into this ridiculous situation we have now where people get shot and killed in the cities and nobody cares, but people in the suburbs call their security guards and the cops whenever they see someone they don't know in their gated communities?

[Tant01]

Wrong!

Did you ask him to turn it down before you called the cops for the first time or after? Out of common courtesy you HAVE to ask them to turn it down personally before you call the cops, and you have to be very sweet and nice when you do it. If you've tried being nice about it and they're just determined to be an ass-hole then you can call the cops, but if you get the law involved before you talk to him about it than you should expect to be treated with hostility- and for good reason.

PHUI...That's BS!!! You sound like the guy that likes to ROCK OUT late at night! Don't hesitate to call the cops for anything!

There is NO reason to put yourself at risk to get some peace and quiet!

My story is the same and I've done it many times...

Dispatch will sometimes ask if you asked them to turn it down, say YES BUT THEY DIDN'T HEAR ME KNOCKING or I'M AFRAID THEY'RE PLAYING THE MUSIC LOUD TO COVER THE YELLING OF A DOMESTIC DISPUTE...

[Tant01]

...This time after our, uh, interaction I decided not to call the cops in case he saw where I was running and knew where I lived (he's not that far away),.....
But I guess my point is that when this I went to his house the guy went ballistic. I mean he literally was coming out of his house to tango. If I wasn't as quick of a runner who knows what would've happened. ... "What the heck was I doing walking by myself to a stranger's house?" I was armed, but I was on HIS property and I bet if anything had happened even if he was *clearly* the antagonist the first question they'd ask in court would be, "Why didn't you just call the cops? Were you looking for a fight?"

......?

You need to use the police dispatch to document your complaints! You need to establish a pattern of behavior that sets you in the position of the victim. Talk to OTHER neighbors and cooperativly call to complain about the disturbances. NOW you have the violent REACTION to your effort to be NEIGHBORLY but you SHOULD HAVE called to document THAT! Next time you can claim it but have no record of it. Remember YOU'RE AFRAID to even attempt interaction with this neighbor because of (anything!)

Don't fear retaliation. Intimidation or retribution are comon tactics of BULLIES! You know how to deal with THEM! Trust that little girl inside you telling you "What the heck was I doing walking by myself to a stranger's house?" She's got her shit together, second guessing her will lead to TROUBLE! Trust your gut! Use the service of those sworn to protect and serve! That's their job!

[Sagacious Lu]

PHUI...That's BS!!! You sound like the guy that likes to ROCK OUT late at night! Don't hesitate to call the cops for anything!

BS my ass... I've always made it a point to introduce myself to my neighbors so they understand that I'm actually a very reasonable and friendly guy. If my neighbor comes over and nicely tells me that my poker game, or BBQ, or whatever is too loud too late at night (it's happened more than once over the years) I apologize and turn the volume down immediately. That's how I always handle it when my neighbors disturb me and I've always been given (and expect) that kind of respect. If you aren't willing to treat them like a good neighbor you can't expect them to be considerate of you.
On the other hand a lot of people will lash out if you call the cops- it's not that hard to figure out who did it if you know the neighborhood. If you make a habit out of treating your neighbors that way you shouldn't be surprised if someone slashes your tires or keys your car; I don't behave that way and I'm not condoning it but common sense should tell you a lot of people do.

I'm confused, is that your IQ or the number of testicles you have? Or are you just an adoring fan that wants to tell me I'm number 1?

*Come on man, you don't have to agree with me about every little thing but let's keep the conversation civilized*

[treelizard]

LOL, my neighbors are too busy getting stoned to care about anything. Good thing I'm moving.

It's just that I didn't feel like it was a bad idea until after the fact. I've had plenty of neighbors who have turned down their music when asked before...

I guess I should've included a poll in here. Do people call the cops to ask them to enforce their personal desires without trying to take care of it by themselves first?

[Sagacious Lu]

I"What the heck was I doing walking by myself to a stranger's house?"

This wasn't a stranger it was a neighbor. Surely you took the time to introduce yourself and shake hands when you moved to the neighborhood?

[treelizard]

This wasn't a stranger it was a neighbor. Surely you took the time to introduce yourself and shake hands when you moved to the neighborhood?

Don't know that I've met him before though I think I played music on a neighbor's porch with some of his housemates. (Relax, it was acoustic guitar and bad vocals on a Sunday afternoon.) People move in and move out so quickly around here it's hard to say, but I don't think I'd seen his face before.

[Tant01]

BS my ass... I've always made it a point to introduce myself to my neighbors so they understand that I'm actually a very reasonable and friendly guy. If my neighbor comes over and nicely tells me that my poker game, or BBQ, or whatever is too loud too late at night (it's happened more than once over the years) I apologize and turn the volume down immediately. That's how I always handle it when my neighbors disturb me and I've always been given (and expect) that kind of respect.





I'm confused, is that your IQ or the number of testicles you have? Or are you just an adoring fan that wants to tell me I'm number 1?

*Come on man, you don't have to agree with me about every little thing but let's keep the conversation civilized*

Hehehehe.... You're a nice guy, you probably live in a nice neighborhood...


*I* Make an effort to be CIVIL to everyone but you can't ASSUME EVERYONE that has demonstrated this kind of DISREGARD for his neighbors peace and security will be polite or cooperative. On the OTHER HAND... you can expect the WORST from people and hope for the best.

"There is no safety for honest men, except by believing all possible evil of evil men."

Edwin Burke

[Tant01]

One of my neighbors is a meth addict and sexual predator, he shot a relative of his over some stupid holiday gift. My next door neighbors grow weed in their garage. I've tried to be civil to ALL my neighbors but pit bulls and ATTITUDES are more than enough communication to know I don't care to be "neighborly" or courteous.

Best thing around here is to stay to yourself.

[Sagacious Lu]

Haha... no harm done Tant IMHO most of these problems can be solved through communication. I think the police should be a last resort for only those people that are just too obnoxious to reason with... like out of control meth addicts, for example.

[Tant01]

Haha... no harm done Tant IMHO most of these problems can be solved through communication. I think the police should be a last resort for only those people that are just too obnoxious to reason with... like out of control meth addicts, for example.

In some neighborhoods calling the police is the best option. Beats getting chased off the property my a maniac.

[Sagacious Lu]

In some neighborhoods calling the police is the best option. Beats getting chased off the property my a maniac.

Sometimes that's what you have to do. I had a neighbor like that a few years back. I'll never forget the day he gave his (much, much younger) girlfriend a fat lip and kicked her out of the house She showed up on my porch in tears and I had to let her sleep on my couch that night. He was evicted a week later. There are some people that can't be dealt with any other way.