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Am I overreacting? By ceaer - 08-13-2009 11:17 AM
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I'm having some problems with a fellow student, to the point where I simply do not want to work with him any more. But before I make a big deal out of it, either by confronting him more clearly or speaking to an instructor, I'm looking for some feedback as to if I'm just taking things too personally or if I have a valid complaint.
I'm 18 and female, he's roughly 45 and male, which I think is contributing to the problems as my 19 yr old female friend has had identical problems with him, but none of the teenage boys have had issues (that I know of; I don't want to jump to conclusions and am planning on discreetly asking some of them about it at tonight's class). I mainly have problems with him on sparring days. Last night was one such day. I haven't been paired with him on sparring days in a while, mainly because I go out of my way to end up with any partner other than him because he makes me so angry.
Last night, the instructors were switching people around instead of just saying 'change partners' and letting us pick, and I ended up with him to work a drill pattern. It was 1-for-1, I'd attack and he'd block, and then he'd attack and I'd block. The person attacking was working speed and accuracy, the person defending was working on front hand blocks, cutting angles to get out of the way, etc. In other words: there was no counterattacking. Or at least, there wasn't supposed to be. So he attacked, I blocked; then I attacked and he punched me in the throat. So I said "it's 1-for-1!" meaning "it's a drill, work the drill!" to which he replied "I was trying to block." Now, in my opinion, sticking your arm straight out so that your fist ends up in someone's throat, is a pretty poor attempt at a block. He's not a newbie either, he knows how to block properly. I didn't want to argue with him, so I just said "fine" and we went back to the drill.
Cue next issue. After each time he was the attacker, he would put his hand on my shoulder or my back, like he was apologizing for hitting me. I do not like being touched, even ignoring how condenscending he was being by doing that. He does that whenever I am paired with him and he does it to my friend also and it makes me really angry. I kept shrugging his hand off and he was sort of snickering like he thought I was being ridiculous.
He's also very Jekyll-and-Hyde: like last night, he often seems to regret hitting me. It's sparring. He's supposed to hit me. I only got angry when he punched me because we were doing a DRILL that did not involve him counterattacking. I wanted to work the drill, not worry about him punching me. But on the other hand, he often hits very hard or will continue hitting after it's reasonable to stop. It was a little crowded a couple weeks ago, and he kicked me backwards into a wall. And then kept hitting me, despite the fact I was pinned against the wall and so couldn't evade, and despite the fact it was light flow, which is supposed to be about 60% power, it's more working the drills in a free-moving situation.
So I don't understand it. If he feels like he needs to apologize each time he hits me, you would think he wouldn't then try and pound me through the wall. One of the other, or better yet, be a normal person and spar properly. And work the drills, obey the rules of light flow, don't invent your own things.
It really makes me angry, but I sort of feel like if I try and talk to him about it he'll act like I'm overreacting or making a mountain out of a molehill. It doesn't help that he's a child psychiatrist. I feel like he's analyzing me whenever I talk to him.
Sorry for the essay; thoughts, anyone?
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I'm having some problems with a fellow student, to the point where I simply do not want to work with him any more. But before I make a big deal out of it, either by confronting him more clearly or speaking to an instructor, I'm looking for some feedback as to if I'm just taking things too personally or if I have a valid complaint.
I'm 18 and female, he's roughly 45 and male, which I think is contributing to the problems as my 19 yr old female friend has had identical problems with him, but none of the teenage boys have had issues (that I know of; I don't want to jump to conclusions and am planning on discreetly asking some of them about it at tonight's class). I mainly have problems with him on sparring days. Last night was one such day. I haven't been paired with him on sparring days in a while, mainly because I go out of my way to end up with any partner other than him because he makes me so angry.
Last night, the instructors were switching people around instead of just saying 'change partners' and letting us pick, and I ended up with him to work a drill pattern. It was 1-for-1, I'd attack and he'd block, and then he'd attack and I'd block. The person attacking was working speed and accuracy, the person defending was working on front hand blocks, cutting angles to get out of the way, etc. In other words: there was no counterattacking. Or at least, there wasn't supposed to be. So he attacked, I blocked; then I attacked and he punched me in the throat. So I said "it's 1-for-1!" meaning "it's a drill, work the drill!" to which he replied "I was trying to block." Now, in my opinion, sticking your arm straight out so that your fist ends up in someone's throat, is a pretty poor attempt at a block. He's not a newbie either, he knows how to block properly. I didn't want to argue with him, so I just said "fine" and we went back to the drill.
Cue next issue. After each time he was the attacker, he would put his hand on my shoulder or my back, like he was apologizing for hitting me. I do not like being touched, even ignoring how condenscending he was being by doing that. He does that whenever I am paired with him and he does it to my friend also and it makes me really angry. I kept shrugging his hand off and he was sort of snickering like he thought I was being ridiculous.
He's also very Jekyll-and-Hyde: like last night, he often seems to regret hitting me. It's sparring. He's supposed to hit me. I only got angry when he punched me because we were doing a DRILL that did not involve him counterattacking. I wanted to work the drill, not worry about him punching me. But on the other hand, he often hits very hard or will continue hitting after it's reasonable to stop. It was a little crowded a couple weeks ago, and he kicked me backwards into a wall. And then kept hitting me, despite the fact I was pinned against the wall and so couldn't evade, and despite the fact it was light flow, which is supposed to be about 60% power, it's more working the drills in a free-moving situation.
So I don't understand it. If he feels like he needs to apologize each time he hits me, you would think he wouldn't then try and pound me through the wall. One of the other, or better yet, be a normal person and spar properly. And work the drills, obey the rules of light flow, don't invent your own things.
It really makes me angry, but I sort of feel like if I try and talk to him about it he'll act like I'm overreacting or making a mountain out of a molehill. It doesn't help that he's a child psychiatrist. I feel like he's analyzing me whenever I talk to him.
Sorry for the essay; thoughts, anyone?
Read More ... or click reply below.
------------------------------
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