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Ok...here's a little rant about stupid people. It should prove to be relatively funny...but if not, you can suck a dick. 
A little exposition about myself and my job. I work at an excellent restraunt in SLC. It's a small buisness, but we've won several coveted awards during the past few years.
What I do is...I bus tables. (YAAAAAYYYYYYY)
There is a certain and subtle art to my job. (go ahead and laugh, assholes.)
I have to make sure that the tables are set and everybody is watered, that the establishment looks clean, tidy, and accomidating. I also have to help mediate, fairly often, between the kitchen and the waitstaff.
(several "heated" arguements ensue, threats, general anger and confusion abounf, making my job much harder.)
I try as much as possible to help the servers (sometimes I make more than them depending on the spread of their gross sales, whoot whoot!...on a good night I clear 50-75 dollars in tips, plus 5.15 an hour...for about eight hours.)
and prevent them from catching chefs knives, or breaking down into fits of uncontrolable, inconsolable sobbing or rage.
There are four common problems a busser faces in todays waiting world;
Camels; people who drink excessive amounts of water, and bitch when their water hasn't been refilled...ocassionally when I have about four tables to clear.
Campers; people who order, eat...and then sit. Sit for hours on end. I want people to come in and eat a great meal, and linger for a bit...but these people are entirely too excessive. The worst is when loud, drunk assholes sit there and joke around like fucking clowns up to an hour after buisness hours, and then tip shitty...which leads us to numero 3....
Plebs; okay...this may sound assholish, but I'll go with it. Faux upper crust pricks, who go out to eat, act high and mighty by bossing everybody in the restraunt around, even going so far as to stand in the front of the kitchen IN MY FUCKING WAY and try to argue about something trivial..."what do you mean, these coupons can't be used together or after 7:00?!" or "hey...my ass is too fat, can you make my chair bigger, or my ass smaller?"
These people are grotesque charlaitans, trying to act master to the Nietzche's slave morality...true masters of not true epicurianism, but rather pecuniary emulation and social climbing bullshit. I'm sure we all know the type of shitty suit salesperson or cubicle jockey who fiddles on his cell phone and acts self important...this is the type to which I'm referring...only drunk, beligerant, or fundamentalist religious, or any combination of the above, aforementioned archetypes. (won't tip over 10% because it's more than their tything at church.)
Lastly...CHILDREN!
Not all children, but there seems to be a current trend in the amongst those who eat out (get your mind out of the gutter and back on topic) to bring their ill mannered progeny to a fine dining establishment and let them run rampant as if it were some sort of kindergarten class room.
People will either ignore their child as he/she runs around the buisness, marking up walls with crayons that mommy gave them, or underneath the feet of servers and bussers carrying pointy stabby objects such as...bet you can't guess it...TRAYS OF KNIVES...or hot soup...flaming entree's, and so forth.
As if this weren't bad enough...people bring in either cheerios or crackers for their kids to grind into the floor zealously and gleefully as their parents encourage them to be evil little bastards. I don't know which is worse to clean up, scattered rice and curry that has been stomped into the floor, or the cheerios...but I'll TELL you what pisses me off MORE...cheerios. We do not sell, not to my knowledge have we EVER served fucking cheerios.
I can now know that I can never be a good parent to a child, because from these little incidents, I have come to the conclusion that a battered child very well may be a well behaved child. (there is nothing more that I would like to do then field kick one of these cruel little jesters off a balcony, and their parent's with them.)
How the **** can people be so stupid. Why? Jesus, God, Why?
The answer a busser often comes to is, like Aloyosha in that one part of Doestoyevsky's "Bro's Karamotsov" there is no fucking benevolent God that would allow stupid people to breed.
Read Thomas Malthus, muthafuckas...population control is a necessity, and if you are an ignorant, ignoble piece of shit, please wear condoms or get that shit snipped, please.
There's my ontological argument, and a rant.
Much luv.
xoxoxoxox
Goo.
A little exposition about myself and my job. I work at an excellent restraunt in SLC. It's a small buisness, but we've won several coveted awards during the past few years.
What I do is...I bus tables. (YAAAAAYYYYYYY)
There is a certain and subtle art to my job. (go ahead and laugh, assholes.)
I have to make sure that the tables are set and everybody is watered, that the establishment looks clean, tidy, and accomidating. I also have to help mediate, fairly often, between the kitchen and the waitstaff.
(several "heated" arguements ensue, threats, general anger and confusion abounf, making my job much harder.)
I try as much as possible to help the servers (sometimes I make more than them depending on the spread of their gross sales, whoot whoot!...on a good night I clear 50-75 dollars in tips, plus 5.15 an hour...for about eight hours.)
and prevent them from catching chefs knives, or breaking down into fits of uncontrolable, inconsolable sobbing or rage.
There are four common problems a busser faces in todays waiting world;
Camels; people who drink excessive amounts of water, and bitch when their water hasn't been refilled...ocassionally when I have about four tables to clear.
Campers; people who order, eat...and then sit. Sit for hours on end. I want people to come in and eat a great meal, and linger for a bit...but these people are entirely too excessive. The worst is when loud, drunk assholes sit there and joke around like fucking clowns up to an hour after buisness hours, and then tip shitty...which leads us to numero 3....
Plebs; okay...this may sound assholish, but I'll go with it. Faux upper crust pricks, who go out to eat, act high and mighty by bossing everybody in the restraunt around, even going so far as to stand in the front of the kitchen IN MY FUCKING WAY and try to argue about something trivial..."what do you mean, these coupons can't be used together or after 7:00?!" or "hey...my ass is too fat, can you make my chair bigger, or my ass smaller?"
These people are grotesque charlaitans, trying to act master to the Nietzche's slave morality...true masters of not true epicurianism, but rather pecuniary emulation and social climbing bullshit. I'm sure we all know the type of shitty suit salesperson or cubicle jockey who fiddles on his cell phone and acts self important...this is the type to which I'm referring...only drunk, beligerant, or fundamentalist religious, or any combination of the above, aforementioned archetypes. (won't tip over 10% because it's more than their tything at church.)
Lastly...CHILDREN!
Not all children, but there seems to be a current trend in the amongst those who eat out (get your mind out of the gutter and back on topic) to bring their ill mannered progeny to a fine dining establishment and let them run rampant as if it were some sort of kindergarten class room.
People will either ignore their child as he/she runs around the buisness, marking up walls with crayons that mommy gave them, or underneath the feet of servers and bussers carrying pointy stabby objects such as...bet you can't guess it...TRAYS OF KNIVES...or hot soup...flaming entree's, and so forth.
As if this weren't bad enough...people bring in either cheerios or crackers for their kids to grind into the floor zealously and gleefully as their parents encourage them to be evil little bastards. I don't know which is worse to clean up, scattered rice and curry that has been stomped into the floor, or the cheerios...but I'll TELL you what pisses me off MORE...cheerios. We do not sell, not to my knowledge have we EVER served fucking cheerios.
I can now know that I can never be a good parent to a child, because from these little incidents, I have come to the conclusion that a battered child very well may be a well behaved child. (there is nothing more that I would like to do then field kick one of these cruel little jesters off a balcony, and their parent's with them.)
How the **** can people be so stupid. Why? Jesus, God, Why?
The answer a busser often comes to is, like Aloyosha in that one part of Doestoyevsky's "Bro's Karamotsov" there is no fucking benevolent God that would allow stupid people to breed.
Read Thomas Malthus, muthafuckas...population control is a necessity, and if you are an ignorant, ignoble piece of shit, please wear condoms or get that shit snipped, please.
There's my ontological argument, and a rant.
Much luv.
xoxoxoxox
Goo.
har har har...okay, where was I...okay, so I look like a doofus, and I feel like a doofus, and worst of all I KNOW I look like a goofy bastard and have no way of remedying it...sooooooo
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