Am I Violent?

[makiwara]

Last night my wife and I got into a debate as to whether or not I am violent. She says that I am. I say I am not. She has only seen me fight once in the six and a half years that we have been together. She concedes that I have been nothing but gentle with her and my daughters, but that I am still violent. I do hit things when I am mad (which is one of the reasons I got a heavy bag), but that happens about once every 3 years. Also, there is this guy that hangs out where she works that is constantly staring at her ass or tits and tends to undress her with his eyes. When I pointed this out to her she didn't beleive me untill someone else told her what was going on (that situation has happened before and she is getting better at beleiving me about people). At her office christmas party I caught him looking down her shirt, and almost elbowed him in the temple, but I DIDN'T. Of course I want to beat this disrespectful bastitch down but I don't. Another of her points is that I am always coming up with new MA techniques or trying to improve the ones in my arsenal. I say that this is because I am a martial artist, not because I am violent. I also say that saying I am violent because I want to hurt someone but don't is akin to saying that I am cheating because I can appreciate another woman's beauty without sleeping with her. I say it is the sinful action that is a sin, not a sinful thought. I grew up amongst a lot of violence and I have learned how to meet it and how to mete it, but I have good self dicipline and do not act on violent tendencies. I asked her why she loves me even though she thinks I am violent (and she disaproves), and she said that she doesn't know. I think it is because when we met I was a drug dealer living on the streets, and violence was an integral part of my life. But, since we got together I gave all that up including ascribing to the street law of might makes right. So, what are your opinions?

[Tom Yum]

I do hit things when I am mad (which is one of the reasons I got a heavy bag), but that happens about once every 3 years.

I have good self dicipline and do not act on violent tendencies

Sounds like it takes alot to get you angry in the first place and you have enough self-control (discipline and patience) to prevent yourself from starting trouble. At the same time, you're no stranger to violence which is probably why you are so wise about it.

From what you describe, I don't think you're violent.

Ever date a gal that's your exact opposite; no self-discipline, lashes out randomly at the drop of a hat and gets angry alot?

[Sensei Saki]

What does it takes alot to get you angry in the first place and you have enough self-control discipline and patience to prevent yourself from starting trouble sound like?The same time you are no stranger to violence which is probably why you are so wise about it is where it's at.

[treelizard]

Yeah I agree...if your description is accurate, you don't sound violent or unhealthy to me at all.

[Sensei Saki]

Groovy. You and I are on the same wavelength, .That is a hypothetical question.

[makiwara]

Yeah I agree...if your description is accurate, you don't sound violent or unhealthy to me at all.

Well thankyou, though I do have a bit of a cold. As for accuracy; well I hope it's accurate, I tend to have a habit of over analyzing things which tends to help with accuracy, but I will show this thread to my wife and see if she has anything to add. By the way I looked at you're bio, you have the same b-day as my youngest daughter, I know I know off topic, but I thought it was kinda cool.

[Memnoch1207]

My .02

Everyone wants to punch a hole in someone else's skull at some point in their lives. Being MA's we train in a physically demanding environment that is rich with competition. And we use this physicality to submit others to our will. Hitting inanimate objects doesn't mean you're violent though, it just means you're human. Everyone has emotions that get riled up every now and then, and popping a wall or door or heavy bag is a release for that pent up aggression.

Now if everytime you got heated about something and popped your wife or kids, etc... that would be different.

Those people that are used to a physical environment tend to look for physical solutions. It's not a bad thing as long as you are using your head when doing it.

[treelizard]

LOL, I meant psychologically healthy. I think it's obviously good to be prepared for situations that might arise, and since we live in a violent world, it can only be a good thing to be aware of that fact.

Also, she's not going to like this but I would recommend that your wife do some reading on women's self-protection... even if she doesn't want to train in physical skills (which it sounds like she wouldn't), she could benefit from learning how to tell if she's in a dangerous situation, etc. There's a lot of books out there that are good and I'm sure everyone on this forum would have a suggestion, here is a good page describing the pyramid of personal safety:

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/pyramid.html

[makiwara]

LOL, I meant psychologically healthy. I think it's obviously good to be prepared for situations that might arise, and since we live in a violent world, it can only be a good thing to be aware of that fact.

Also, she's not going to like this but I would recommend that your wife do some reading on women's self-protection... even if she doesn't want to train in physical skills (which it sounds like she wouldn't), she could benefit from learning how to tell if she's in a dangerous situation, etc. There's a lot of books out there that are good and I'm sure everyone on this forum would have a suggestion, here is a good page describing the pyramid of personal safety:

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/pyramid.html

I (and I believe everyone here) have to agree with you on being prepared. As to my wife taking a class, she did for about a year or so before we met in an art that I got to take a little of and found to be most comprehensive. Also her ex-husband is a Kenpo teacher around here (one of the best in my area) and she used to practice with him all the time. She is acually a very good fighter and a better grappler than me (Darn, a woman that can throw me around, LOL), she recognizes the need to know how to defend oneself. I guess she just thinks that I take it a little far (I don't know, like I said I will show her this thread and see if she has anything to offer). Maybe it's got to do with the fact that we have kids now and she is afraid that it will carry over to them. She usually has some thing to say about the techniques that I teach them, usually along the lines of "You're going to their school to sort out any behavior problems". I then ask her if that is a good idea since I was kicked out of two high schools myself. But no really I do train my girls to take care of them selves but not to maim (yet), and I do try to teach them self dicipline.

[makiwara]

My .02

Everyone wants to punch a hole in someone else's skull at some point in their lives. Being MA's we train in a physically demanding environment that is rich with competition. And we use this physicality to submit others to our will. Hitting inanimate objects doesn't mean you're violent though, it just means you're human. Everyone has emotions that get riled up every now and then, and popping a wall or door or heavy bag is a release for that pent up aggression.
Now if everytime you got heated about something and popped your wife or kids, etc... that would be different.

Those people that are used to a physical environment tend to look for physical solutions. It's not a bad thing as long as you are using your head when doing it.

Thank you I agree completely, though I had to get the bags because I got tired of having to pay for broken doors, walls, ceilings, bookcases, railings, tables, hands, etc.
I also feel that it is o.k. to let stress out in a physical manner, it's just best if it's inanimate objects instead of people. If I was violent then people would be my stress relief, but since they're not then I'm not (is that circular logic?).
By the way love the name Memnoch, one of my favorite books in one of my favorite series.

[Tom Yum]

She usually has some thing to say about the techniques that I teach them, usually along the lines of "You're going to their school to sort out any behavior problems". I then ask her if that is a good idea since I was kicked out of two high schools myself. But no really I do train my girls to take care of them selves but not to maim (yet), and I do try to teach them self dicipline.

You seem like a pretty cool dude and I'm sure your daughters will appreciate all the lessons, especially when they get older.

[Sensei Saki]

Interesting comparison, and probably true.