Tweet
So...I've been working my hands to the bone with school, and I've been taking energy pills to try and stay up so that I can work bussing tables...
Last night I had a really weird experience, I don't know what I'd place it as, maybe a psychotic episode brought on by caffeine, sleep deprevation, and stress. I just had this overwhelming feeling that nothing I, nor anyone else, did would matter in the grand scheme of things. I felt like I was dying and that there was nothing beyond this, all that I'd experienced in my life was shadowed by this immense dispair and nothingness. As if I could feel this so strongly that I could actually SEE it. I turned the tv back on and tried to forget, but I woke up today, and I feel different then I did yesterday, as if I'm not even the same person. I'm scared and affraid, and I feel sick and uneasy about everything to a point where it's hard for me to place it in words...I feel helpless.
I had to call off a date this morning (she wanted to go to a rave tonight), because I just wanted to get some sleep and maybe bang out one or two of my last remaining english/lit assignments. I've been pulling great grades, which takes alot of pressure off of my family and myself because of all of the grants and scholarships, so...it's pretty much mandatory to try and make the A. My parent's are having great financial difficulties right now, and my ex has been less than supportive of my plight, sometimes she can pull me out of a dark mood, but other times, she acts completely insane, and does a great deal of things that make me worry about her and her safety.
So...
Shortly after I get off the phone, and start posting here, pick up my eng book and start trying to write these assignments, comes a knock upon my door.
It's a friend of mine, and he's completely out of breath, the first thing he does is ask for a glass of water, and then goes outside with me for a cigarette. When he catches his breath he tells me that two of my other friends, including my best friend who is like a brother to me, are being arrested down the street.
One of them had decided to snatch a purse at a local grocery store, and there was a substantial amount of narcotics in the car. I learn the details and the course of events through my pal, and through the fucking police officer who calls MY cell phone looking for him. (I hand the phone over to my pal...I would have if the cop asked nicely, even though the one who originally called (out of three that my pal talked to) was threatening and being a prick.)
So...now two of my close friends are in jail, and facing two second degree felonies. They did something stupid...but their shit also falls in my lap as far as my emotional and therefore physical well being are concerned.
This HAS NOT been my week.
Last night I had a really weird experience, I don't know what I'd place it as, maybe a psychotic episode brought on by caffeine, sleep deprevation, and stress. I just had this overwhelming feeling that nothing I, nor anyone else, did would matter in the grand scheme of things. I felt like I was dying and that there was nothing beyond this, all that I'd experienced in my life was shadowed by this immense dispair and nothingness. As if I could feel this so strongly that I could actually SEE it. I turned the tv back on and tried to forget, but I woke up today, and I feel different then I did yesterday, as if I'm not even the same person. I'm scared and affraid, and I feel sick and uneasy about everything to a point where it's hard for me to place it in words...I feel helpless.
I had to call off a date this morning (she wanted to go to a rave tonight), because I just wanted to get some sleep and maybe bang out one or two of my last remaining english/lit assignments. I've been pulling great grades, which takes alot of pressure off of my family and myself because of all of the grants and scholarships, so...it's pretty much mandatory to try and make the A. My parent's are having great financial difficulties right now, and my ex has been less than supportive of my plight, sometimes she can pull me out of a dark mood, but other times, she acts completely insane, and does a great deal of things that make me worry about her and her safety.
So...
Shortly after I get off the phone, and start posting here, pick up my eng book and start trying to write these assignments, comes a knock upon my door.
It's a friend of mine, and he's completely out of breath, the first thing he does is ask for a glass of water, and then goes outside with me for a cigarette. When he catches his breath he tells me that two of my other friends, including my best friend who is like a brother to me, are being arrested down the street.
One of them had decided to snatch a purse at a local grocery store, and there was a substantial amount of narcotics in the car. I learn the details and the course of events through my pal, and through the fucking police officer who calls MY cell phone looking for him. (I hand the phone over to my pal...I would have if the cop asked nicely, even though the one who originally called (out of three that my pal talked to) was threatening and being a prick.)
So...now two of my close friends are in jail, and facing two second degree felonies. They did something stupid...but their shit also falls in my lap as far as my emotional and therefore physical well being are concerned.
This HAS NOT been my week.
Comment