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No GROANING!!! LMAO
The energizer bunny was arrested today...
For "BATTERY"
The energizer bunny was arrested today...
For "BATTERY"
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Oh gawd.
Pee Wee Herman now has a "hands on" job. -
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender goes, "hey why the longface?"
To which the horse replies, "I got Down's Syndrome."Comment
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3 blondes walk into a bar.......................
You'd think one of them would have seen it.Comment
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I went to the doctors the other day and said "would you take a look at something doc?" - and slapped my dick on the table.
The doctor looked at it and said "well, there doesn't seem to be any problems here"
"I know" I said "its a beauty isn't it"Comment
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man goes into dinner and asks for a cup of coffee. waitress brings him the coffee and has the tip of her finger in his cup. he lets it go. abouthalf way through the cup he decides to order some soup. she brings it and the tip of her finger is in his soup. this time he does not let it go. he saiys i couldn't help but notice that you had your finger in my coffee and soup. she appologises and explains how she has a rare form of arthritis and has to keep it warm. now he is made and says so you had to use my coffee and soup. and she is all the while appologising. he says well why dont you just go put your finger in your ass. she replied i do when im not delivering coffee and soup!Comment
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A) Do you smoke after sex?
B) I dont know. ive never lookedComment
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Oh was i supposed to make it up myself?
Originally posted by kingoftheforest View PostThank you Austin Powers.
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'Of course I won't laugh, said the doctor. I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then,' said the patient, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the doctor had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later, he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
'I am so sorry,' he said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
'It's swollen,' the patient replied.Comment
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omg...
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A young couple joined a new church and the pastor told them, 'We require all new member couples to abstain from sex for one whole month.'
The couple agreed, but after two weeks returned to see the pastor. The wife was crying and the husband was obviously depressed.
'You are back so soon, is there a problem?' inquired the pastor.
'We did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month,' the young man replied sadly. 'The first week we managed to abstain through sheer will power. The second week was terrible and as we began the third week we were powerless.'
The pastor asked what happened. The young man replied, 'My wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, and passionate. It lasted over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat.'
The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, 'You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.'
'We understand,' said the young man, hanging his head, 'We're not welcome at Home Depot either.'Comment
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A married man left work early one Friday, but instead of going home, he spent the weekend partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it.
After a few of hours of cussin' and screamin', his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?"
The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, "That would suit me just fine!!"
Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.Comment
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