Kevin green. This is for you

[Lizard]

I found out some cool stuff about christianity:


"Hi, this site is all about christians, REAL CHRISTIANS. This site is stupid. My name is Robert and I can't stop thinking about christians. These guys are lame; and by lame, I mean totally gay.

Facts:

1. Christians are mammals.
2. Christians fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the christian is to flip out and convert people.
Testimonial:

Christians can convert anyone they want! Christians cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and stupid that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this christian who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the christian converted the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a christian totally uppercut some atheist just because the atheist opened a window.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Faith!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that christians have REAL Ultimate Faith you better get a life right now or they will chop your head off!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me.

Christians are sooooooooooo gay that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally stupid and that's a fact. Christians are fast, smooth, lame, strong, faithful, and gay. I can't wait to start Sunday school next year. I love christians with all of my body (including my pee pee).


Q and A:.


Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about christians?
A: Christians are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, christians are very careful and precise.

Q: I heard that christians are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, christians can be mean OR totally stupid.

Q: What do christians do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent praying, but sometime they stab. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)"

[Lizard]

This story will get you totaly pumped and ready to convert anyone!


"The Ultimate Battle


Scene 1:
Dark smoke fills the scene and pump up music slowly gets louder. The audience sees a christian and his priest eating at a super expensive restaurant. The priest is so hot that steam is coming out of her mouth or hair. Some old idiot is sitting by the couple. The idiot is giving the priest "the eye" and popping like 16 boners. But the christian sees the boners and the music really pumps up. The audience knows this guy is dead meat for sure. But out of nowhere, the old idiot pulls off his jacket to show that he is an atheist with lasers and everything. The christian is like yeah right who cares and then pops the biggest bible ever, bigger than the biggest blackest boner alive. The christian's bible smashes the entire restaurant. Every single one of the atheist's boners explodes while making a whistling sound. The christian looks back at his priest. She smiles and they pork.
END
-While writing this script, I head-butt my bible so hard that we both screamed. "

[Lizard]

Hey kevin, you might want to try this one:


"Seppuku with a bible


Seppuku is the ancient art of converting yourself if you get super pissed and can’t find anybody else to convert. Christians use all sorts of crap to convert themselves—guns, ropes, knives, lasers, spears, etc.—and don’t even think twice about it. These guys would convert themselves for just about any reason and often for no reason at all: that’s why we there are so few christians today.

But if you want to commit Seppuku and you’re like me, you don’t have access to stuff like lasers. But there’s hope. I tried to convert myself by swallowing a bible a couple of times—and believe me, it’s pretty cool. The only catch is you have to be really super pissed to do it.



Step 1 Get a bible from the store or friend.
Step 2 Clean the Bible.
Step 3 Make sure your parents aren’t around
Step 4 Put something slippery on it, like butter or cream.
Step 5 Get really super pissed.
Step 6 Fold the Bible hard (this is crucial)
Step 7 Keep folded and insert Bible into mouth hard.
Step 8 Push hard until you can’t see it.
Step 9 Wait.
Step 10 Die."

[Lizard]

This one is a bit weird:


"The King's Gold/Priests


Scene 1:
In the olden days, there was this sweet king that had mounds of gold and priests. These atheists decided to steal the mounds and surrounded the castle and everybody freaked, except the king who was like “Chill homies, I’ll handle this crap.”

The atheists stood outside the castle walls and were like “You think you are so cool, but guess what, you’re not. Good luck dying!” Then the king replied “Yeah right. How would you like to meet my best friends?”

Then out of nowhere there was a small sound of a guitar wailing really really hard behind the hills. The wailing started getting louder and louder and louder. Then out of nowhere there was this one sweet ass christian standing on top of a huge hill. Everybody was like “Woooooooooooow!” He was wearing all black and he had this jet red guitar in his hands. Then smoke smoked over the hills like trains. But the smoke was christians. And the atheists saw about a billion christians with guitars standing on top this his huge hill. And they started to wail…

When the christians wailed on their guitars, the atheists started spraying diarrhea on each other and loved it. And when they wailed harder, the atheists sprayed harder. As the christians sauntered down the hill, the atheists’ chests and butts exploded. (They died from this.) Then the christians finally reached the boss atheist who was really huge. Out of nowhere the boss atheist pulled out this baby banjo and tried to fiddle with it like a little baby-baby. The christians were like “Yeah right.” and all the billions of christians surrounded the boss atheist. Half of the christians all combined to form the biggest guitar in the universe. The other half formed the second biggest bible in the universe. Then the huge guitar pointed right at the atheist, who was like “Holy CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!” Before the atheist could even do anything, the super bible slapped against the guitar making the hugest wail ever to happen anywhere ever. The atheist exploded so hard that every single one of his kids he would have had exploded and all of his grandparents exploded along with his neighbors and people who he merely said “hello” to.

Then there was this huge concert at the castle. All the priests in the castle morphed into this humongous female crotch. The huge bible and crotch porked softly, while slamming into the guitar and wailing. And guess what, the king sat on top of this huge pile of gold and priests and laughed his frigg’n ass off about how stupid the atheists were.

END

-this script is so hot it could make Janet Reno open up a paint can with her ding dong. "

[RobertG]

Lizard is God! All bow before the Lizard God!

You're on a roll today. I never thought that the Ultimate Power site had so much untapped potential. I guess that's why they call it Ultimate Power.

[Lizard]

Originally posted by RobertG
Lizard is God! All bow before the Lizard God!

You're on a roll today. I never thought that the Ultimate Power site had so much untapped potential. I guess that's why they call it Ultimate Power.

well if you really want to worship me instead of satan...

I got the Idea from the alternate hippo ending

I love that site

PS This thread is constructive because it made kevin go away (he looked at it then left in disgust)

[kevin green]

STATE OF DISGUST

ISN'T THE STATE OF DISGUST ALONG THE WEST COAST OF THE GULF OF MEXICO!

[Lizard]

kevin that post was so totaly lame your god should zap you!

Just wait till the ninja apocalyps when every ninja in the universe is gonna flip out at the same time and kill all non-ninjas (only ninjas and hot babes will be spared). From these survivors will come a new race of humans: hot babes, cool nonjas and cool ninja babes. It will be totaly awesome.

[kevin green]

LIZZIARD

WHY DO YOU WANT TO COMMIT SEPPUKU. YOU SHOULD LET ME DE-PROGRAM YOU INSTEAD.QUIT BOWING AND INSTEAD PRACTICE YOUR MARTIAL ARTS WHILE MOVING AROUND. I KNOW THAT SEEMS SO STRANGE BUT TRY IT IT WORKS ALOT BETTER THAN STANDING STILL WHILE LEARNING MOVEMENT.
AND LOOK TO YOUR SELF MORE FOR THE ANSWERS INSTEAD OF FEELING YOU HAVE TO SUCK UP AND CALL ANYONE MASTER.
THE IMAGE OF AN AMERICAN FIGHTING MAN IS UP ON HIS FEET NOT BOWING DOWN WITH HIS BUTT POINTED SKYWARD. SO THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD VISUALISE.

[RobertG]

Simple question here Kevin....so in addition to bowing in Judo, I bow in JKD class. If I were to take a class with Dan Inosanto you can bet I'd bow to him. This pretty much goes for all JKD people. I'm pretty sure if Dan happened to be in a formal seminar setting with another instructor, say Chai for instance, or Machado, he'd bow. So what do you think about JKD people that bow?

Oh, btw, you bow with your feet on the ground. You'd have to be pretty flexible and talented to bow with your ass pointed skyward and not have your feet on the ground.

[Kingston]

stop stealing from realultimatepower.com lizard.......lol

[kevin green]

A VOLUNTEER

Originally posted by RobertG
Simple question here Kevin....so in addition to bowing in Judo, I bow in JKD class. If I were to take a class with Dan Inosanto you can bet I'd bow to him. This pretty much goes for all JKD people. I'm pretty sure if Dan happened to be in a formal seminar setting with another instructor, say Chai for instance, or Machado, he'd bow. So what do you think about JKD people that bow?

Oh, btw, you bow with your feet on the ground. You'd have to be pretty flexible and talented to bow with your ass pointed skyward and not have your feet on the ground.

VOLUNTARY IS KEY WORD .PLUS AT CONTESTS IS ONLY PLACE WHERE QUESTION ARISES. FREEDOM FROM FORCED BOWING IS ALL.

[RobertG]

Ok, so you're telling me that you'd take a class with Dan Inosanto and wouldn't bow to him at the beginning and the end of the class?

By the way, what do you think of Muay Thai? How do you feel about the pre-fight rituals?

[kevin green]

BOW !WOW!

I WOULD BOW TO DAN INOSANTO IF I FIGURED HE EXPECTED IT IN A SOCIAL SITUATION (LIKE BACK TO HIM) MUAY THAI RITUALS ARE APPROPRIATE IN THAILAND WHERE THEY ARE CULTURALLY APPROPRIATE I WOULD BOW AT A SCHOOL TO A PERSON IF I WANTED THAT PERSON TO TEACH ME (IF HE REQUIRED IT), OR ELSE FIND A DIFFERENT SCHOOL!
AT A JUDO INSPIRED SHINTO WORSHIPPING CONTEST I WOULD BOW TO OPPONENT(FOR NOW) OR CAN'T COMPETE. (SOON TO CHANGE STAY TUNED)

I WOULD BOW TO GOD AND HUMBLE MYSELF IN HIS PRESENCE.
FOR HE IS ALWAYS PRESENT. IF AND WHEN YOU FACE DEATH TYPE OF SITUATION YOU CRY OUT FOR MOM AND THEN GOD IN THAT ORDER .THIS IS INVOLUNTARY REACTION. THERE ARE NO ATHEISTS IN FOXHOLES. AND WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN AIN'T THE TIME TO BECOME REAQUAINTED!

PSALMS 81.09

THERE SHALL BE NO STRANGE GOD AMONG YOU;


YOU SHALL NOT BOW DOWN TO A FOREIGN GOD.

[RobertG]

Shinto practices:
Shinto recognizes many sacred places: mountains, springs, etc.
Each shrine is dedicated to a specific Kami who has a divine personality and responds to sincere prayers of the faithful. When entering a shrine, one passes through a Tori a special gateway for the Gods. It marks the demarcation between the finite world and the infinite world of the Gods.
In the past, believers practiced "misogi,", the washing of their bodies in a river near the shrine. In recent years they only wash their hands and wash out their mouths in a wash basin provided within the shrine grounds.
Believers respect animals as messengers of the Gods. A pair of statues of "Koma-inu" (guard dogs) face each other within the temple grounds.
Shrine ceremonies, which include cleansing, offerings, prayers, and dances are directed to the Kami.
Kagura are ritual dances accompanied by ancient musical instruments. The dances are performed by skilled and trained dancers. They consist of young virgin girls, a group of men, or a single man.
Mamori are charms worn as an aid in healing and protection. They come in many different forms for various purposes.
An altar, the "Kami-dana" (Shelf of Gods), is given a central place in many homes.
Seasonal celebrations are held at spring planting, fall harvest, and special anniversaries of the history of a shrine or of a local patron spirit. A secular, country-wide National Founding Day is held on FEB-11 to commemorate the founding of Japan; this is the traditional date on which the first (mythical) emperor Jinmu ascended the throne in 660 BCE. Some shrines are believed to hold festivities on that day. Other festivals include: JAN 1-3 Shogatsu (New Year); MAR-3 Hinamatsuri (Girls' festival); MAY-5 Tango no Sekku (Boys' festival); JUL-7 Hoshi Matsuri (Star festival).
Followers are expected to visit Shinto shrines at the times of various life passages. For example, the Shichigosan Matsuri involves a blessing by the shrine Priest of girls aged three and seven and boys aged five. It is held on NOV-15.
Many followers are involved in the "offer a meal movement," in which each individual bypasses a breakfast (or another meal) once per month and donates the money saved to their religious organization for international relief and similar activity.
Origami ("Paper of the spirits"): This is a Japanese folk art in which paper is folded into beautiful shapes. They are often seen around Shinto shrines. Out of respect for the tree spirit that gave its life to make the paper, origami paper is never cut.

Kevin you will notice that bowing is not a Shinto practice and that judo contains none of the traditional Shinto practices. In order for judo tournaments to be Shinto everyone would have to walk through the Tori. Since there are no Tori's at any judo tournaments in the US, they aren't Shinto. Although the bit about washing your hands and face isn't so terrible.
Bowing is culturally appropriate in Japanese martial arts. You have admitted that you'd bow, ass to the sky, in culturally appropriate situations. It is appropriate at a judo tournament, but not in Shinto ceremonies.

I win, you loose.