Knock-knock...

[Tant01]

Your thoughts are appreciated...


My son (by my first wife) will graduate HS tomorrow. It's a milestone that Loretta set in her mind a few years ago that SHE wanted to see before death took her.

My wife's mom and dad will be up from the desert today to visit again. They wanted to be here for Michael to graduate too because they know it's an event that Loretta has been looking forward to.

Sadly it might be an event of a parting nature as well. It is doubtfull that my wife will get to see or visit her parents again next year. Recent developements are crushing hope for recovery this time. She has been having a great deal of pain in her lower back even with three types of narcotic medication the pain has kept her from doing anything. She can still use the restroom herself and feed herself but the trip up the stairs to bed or down to her chair has become a task that is at the limits of her ability... I suppose it's the beginning of the end, stage 4 of disease.

It is doubtful that she will be able to attend the ceremony of the graduation event but she insists that I take her parents to support and congratulate my son for finishing HS.

It a mixed bag of emotions here today. I do not look forward to sharing this news with the inlaws but their love and support will be most welcome.

Good day all. Peace and comfort to you and thanks again for reading me.

[Tant01]

Help. She can barely stand. Any position causes horrendous pain! Sitting on the pot today was an event. I fear the end is near. I will try to get her to the hospital today but might need the ambulance to haul her out on a stretcher. The walk to out van and a ride there might be crippling...
My duty as husband and care provider has become more than I can bare.

[treelizard]

Tant01, just know that our thoughts and prayers are with you. I will light a candle for you.

Hugs,
Yael

[eXcessiveForce]

Hang in there,

I know there is nothing I can say to make this any better, just know we are here for you and for your wife.

It may not seem like it's possible but when you need it you'll get the strength you need from deep down.

[Tant01]

Thank the 911 operator for her assistance and Mad River Community Hospital for speedy ambulance service. Thanks to the driver and EMT for a nice gentle ride and some morphine to dull the pain before they moved her out of her chair... They were a big help. Thanks for your kind words and thoughts (& prayers) I'm home for a bite to eat and then off to see she gets treated well at the hospital. (She's just a number there right now)

More later folks, take care and thanks again... Sincerely.



~Ray

[knifethrower]

I ain't got the words..........................

[Tant01]

I ain't got the words..........................

Yeah, it's like that! The MRI machine broke down today while the scan was in progress so no results from that! We found out she has some titanium in her chest along with the plastic where her ribs used to be... staples! LOL

She seems to be feeling better today, slightly more mobile with the PCA (Patient Controlled Analgesic) not dancing but sitting up at least. She ate some salad today and played a couple games of cards with the daughter while we were there!

I find my mind wandering to more pleasant places lately, can't imagine why??? My alcoholic tendencies growing stronger. Wishing I had more friends closer to talk to (or vent to) but here I am typing it on a public forum for the E world... don't shed a tear for us, there are thousands of children across the country and world dying of the disease. My wife is one of many...

You probably know someone who survived it or will get it sometime in the next few years. (Statistics suck) Stay safe everyone!



Later!

[gabbah]

I found Sensei Saki

yep, here she is keeping busy, bouncing as usual

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fbhBR780uE&mode=related&search=hot%20asian

[Tant01]

Help. She can barely stand. Any position causes horrendous pain! Sitting on the pot today was an event. I fear the end is near. I will try to get her to the hospital today but might need the ambulance to haul her out on a stretcher. The walk to out van and a ride there might be crippling...
My duty as husband and care provider has become more than I can bare.

Got the results of the MRI today.....


The sarcoma has spread to her spine. There is little left to do but weep.

[osopardo]

Ray,

Just want you to know that when I say I'm praying for you I really am praying for you. And for your wife Loretta, and for your children.

When my sister died of melanoma a few years ago the preacher said something interesting. "There is healing. There is healing here on earth and there is healing in heaven."

I'm not sure how much you may or may not be into religion, but sometimes all we have left to make sense of this crappy existence is the notion that there is an infinitely wiser God who's purposes are beyond our understanding and that He works all things to a greater good.

When I went through this and the rest of the family mourned and prayed, I would just shake my head condescendingly and walk away. Sometimes I would get into debates with them, "Oh yeah? So if He does exist or if He does care, why didn't He answer all the prayers you all made for all those years while she suffered?" Eventually I made my peace with Him, but it was a lengthy process.

There's no easy answer. You're doing exactly what you need to be doing. Being a faithful, loving husband and father.

You do need to get some support, though. Materially, emotionally and spiritually. If she's in hospice care, and it sounds like she definitely should be, there are resources for you and the family that you should tap into. Grief counseling, pastoring, special patient equipment, housekeeping, etc. The one we were involved in even had a summer camp for children.

Hang in there, man.


.

[knifethrower]

There's no easy answer. You're doing exactly what you need to be doing. Being a faithful, loving husband and father.

Hang in there, man.

yeah, what he said........

[Tant01]

Worst fears are confirmed... Today's MRI revealed cancerous cells growing in her upper spine and neck...

How do you share news like this with a 7 year old. Your Mommy is going to die soon? Her faith is or seems to be stronger than mine! I'm glad she's still young but old enough to remember...


I saw the report today and know what this means and had to tell my wife there was going to be more BAD news coming. It breaks my heart.

Jehovah is my strength.



Peace to you and thanks again for reading me.


~Ray

[eXcessiveForce]

Tant01,

I am very sorry to hear this news.

everyone eventually dies, this is part of life, but what better way than with love. Tell your daughter how much you love both your wife and her. And while it is painful when those we love leave us, we must remember that they love us and that we love them and this is what matters. Cherish the time you spend with those you love, even in dark times such as these.

I hope you find the words you need, and I hope that you and your family find the strength to deal with all that you must endure.

[treelizard]

Tant01, my candle is still lit for you and your family. Sending many prayers.

[Tant01]

Update: We were preparing for her to return home today 7-7-06 but discovered a damn staph infection now! Insult on top of injury! She spiked a fever of 103 last night and today (yesterday) they started a new IV for a course of antibiotics...

the future is uncertain...