Knock-knock...

[Tant01]

Knock, knock?

[Tant01]

Cancer sucks

Ahh well, the lights are on but Saki Sensei must be out...Perfect. Nice quiet place to gather thoughts for a few and pause for the peace here.


I'll be visiting the bay area this week, wish I had more time to check out the great (MA) schools down that way. Sadly the trip is for medical reasons. They have a big hospital in the city @ UCSF... Supposed to be the best of the best there to try to figure out if they can "fix" my wife. That is remove a fourth tumor from her chest wall, there is so little left of her already.

Her right side is mostly plastic now. Both lungs have been partially resected... She has 23% of "normal" capacity and diminished function due to the radiation therapy she had a few years ago... and scar tissue where her diaphragm used to be.

My wife is the toughest person I've ever known! She could only be the offspring of a US MARINE!

Cancer sucks. I don't know what's worse. Attempts to prolong her life have seriously diminished the quality of it. Sadness all around. Not without bright spots for sure but full of dreadful anticipation. The next test, next scan. Waiting for results. Will they cut her open AGAIN? How much more pain can a human tolerate? I suppose we'll be finding out! Mine is emotional hers physical and emotional. Spirits are well but weak. Hope slips away but the reality is death might be a comfort or at least an end to her torment. Why worry at all? It will happen when it happens. Be well, enjoy your life. Live well. Be good to your friends.


All the best!


Raymond G.

[eXcessiveForce]

hang in there man!

Good luck with your trip.

[Tom Yum]

Ahh well, the lights are on but Saki Sensei must be out...Perfect. Nice quiet place to gather thoughts for a few and pause for the peace here.


I'll be visiting the bay area this week, wish I had more time to check out the great (MA) schools down that way. Sadly the trip is for medical reasons. They have a big hospital in the city @ UCSF... Supposed to be the best of the best there to try to figure out if they can "fix" my wife. That is remove a fourth tumor from her chest wall, there is so little left of her already.

Her right side is mostly plastic now. Both lungs have been partially resected... She has 23% of "normal" capacity and diminished function due to the radiation therapy she had a few years ago... and scar tissue where her diaphragm used to be.

My wife is the toughest person I've ever known! She could only be the offspring of a US MARINE!

Cancer sucks. I don't know what's worse. Attempts to prolong her life have seriously diminished the quality of it. Sadness all around. Not without bright spots for sure but full of dreadful anticipation. The next test, next scan. Waiting for results. Will they cut her open AGAIN? How much more pain can a human tolerate? I suppose we'll be finding out! Mine is emotional hers physical and emotional. Spirits are well but weak. Hope slips away but the reality is death might be a comfort or at least an end to her torment. Why worry at all? It will happen when it happens. Be well, enjoy your life. Live well. Be good to your friends.


All the best!


Raymond G.

Hey Ray,

I will pray for your wife's place in heaven and for your emotional healing.

Tom

[treelizard]

hey Raymond,
So you know, there is a really amazing herbalist and curandero in the Bay Area who treats people for free (though he does accept donations.) He used to be a cop and served in Nam and did SAR and volunteers for the Red Cross and he's a tracker and just an all-around great guy with a huge heart. He used to treat homeless people on the streets of Richmond for free, and he is not against allopathic medicine but knows all kind of herbs and things that can help alleviate some of the pain. Check out hispanicherbs.com and call him if you're interested. (You can tell him "water" sent you if you want.)
Good luck,
Yael

[Tant01]

Surgical Contraindicators

The first ectomy was radical. She was cut from the middle of her back below the shoulder blade around to a point below the rt breast. They removed about twelve centemeters of her 2nd thru 7 th rib, a section of her diaphragm and a wedge of her rt. lung to get clear margins around the tumor.
Reconstruction borrowed a flap of pectoral muscle and a plastic (mylar) mesh patch over the hole in her ribcage.

She had twenty some rounds of two kinds of toxic chemical blends of "therapy" to kill any fast growing cells...

It came back two years later. Same side near the fifth rib between the reconstructive plastic mesh and sternum. behind her rt breast. This time they radiated the tumor after it failed to respond to chemo. Heavy doses from three points to target the tumor they also got what was left of her lung badly burned... They removed what was left of her ribs to the sternum and reconstruction was major! This time they used a flap of abdominal muscle to supply the living tissue to fill the void left by the ectomy. This surgery had many complications afterward. Severe infections, narcostic tissue that left an open wound for over a year and eventually another operation to repair the wound.

Last time they found a small node in her left lung, it was another thorasic nightmare! Not as drastic but just as debilitating as it was her "good" lung they cut a chunk off of...

So now we have two major reconstructions to cut around to get to the tumor (on her right side again)to find out what is near it to get a clear margin they may remove the right lung altogether, more rib bones. Diaphragm? and then what's left to reconstruct the big hole this time? The major muscles and structure have been cut apart, radiated and infected. (staph) So...

The history of infection is a serious complication that increases risk of operating AGAIN. Her heartrate has been accelerated since the second major surgery as fast as 120 bpm at ease but now more like 110... no one knows why. She's slightly anemic probably due to the oral chemo she was taking. She takes heavy doses of oral pain meds (2 narcotics) and her blood pressure is a bit high.

And he thinks there might still be surgical options? Is he going to kill my wife?

What will be left of her if she survives the surgery?

Time for a cup of Saki, Sensei...


Feel free to delete this if you feel it's inapropriate for the forum (moderator) I'm just venting again...

[Tom Yum]

Ray, don't lose hope!!

[Tant01]

.................................

[eXcessiveForce]

whatever brings peace for you and your wife at the end of the day.

I hope you find it.

[Tant01]

Big wads of hair...

One of the most dreadful side effects of chemo therapy is hair loss. Since the drugs target fast growing cells it generally takes about three or four weeks for the signs of treatment to begin showing.

Loretta has started a new "experimental" drug therapy because her tumor has developed MDR...

Multi-drug resistance is the ability of cancer tumor cells to tolerate several kinds of chemical therapy intended to destroy it. Typically a cancer patient will be given a cocktail blend of powerful chemicals to target a wide variety of fast growing cells.

Tumors that develop MDR have a number of ways to deal with the drugs used to kill them. The tumor cells "evolve" or learn how to survive chemical assaults by blocking the drug from getting in or ejecting the drugs back out. Some cells actually deactivate the drug. One common mechanism of MDR is to overproduce a specific protein called P-glycoprotein. It is one of a family of proteins that help transport chemicals into and out of cells. In this case it tends to evict "dangerous" chemicals specifically, drugs intended to kill cancer cells. The search for ways to inhibit the activity of P-glycoprotein and find a way to maintain the tumor's sensitivity and response to chemotherapy goes on...
Paraphrased from Living with Cancer health monitor Fall 2005 Vol.8, No. 4 "What Is..."

[treelizard]

That sucks.

Sending prayers...

[Sagacious Lu]

I'm very sorry to hear such hard news I will certainly be keeping you in my prayers as well.

[Tom Yum]

I'm very sorry to hear such hard news I will certainly be keeping you in my prayers as well.

Do Buddhists pray the same way as Christians?

I know they warship ancestors and practice meditation, but other than that I didn't know they prayed.

[treelizard]

Do Buddhists pray the same way as Christians?

I know they warship ancestors and practice meditation, but other than that I didn't know they prayed.

They do Tong Len.

[Sagacious Lu]

Do Buddhists pray the same way as Christians?

I know they warship ancestors and practice meditation, but other than that I didn't know they prayed.

This isn't an easy question to answer for me. I practice Zen meditation and try to cultivate a Zen mind from one day to the next but I'm not exactly a by-the-book Buddhist. To me both God and Goddess are not deities that I have faith in but rather realities that I see in the world around (and within) me at all times- this perception comes from both Tantric and Pagan beliefs. I most definately find it necessary to pray, although exactly how I relate to the divine is intensely personal. I don't really like to discuss my beliefs in depth on the internet though, I just wanted to offer what sympathy and support I can to Ray.