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Not For The Easily Offended! You've Been Warned!

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  • #31
    YouTube - Taliban answering machine

    KOTF this is for you.

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    • #32
      YouTube - Police Answering Machine

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      • #33
        heres george costanzas answering machine.

        i imagine that our good friend jubaji the school teacher looks a lot like george costanza, or possibly newman.

        [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhhzwjt2AG0[/YOUTUBE]

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        • #34
          Originally posted by DickHardman View Post

          i imagine that our good friend jubaji looks a lot like george costanza, or possibly newman.

          I'm sure you imagine a lot of things in your constant, drug-induced stupor.

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          • #35
            Durka dammit!!!

            Originally posted by TTEscrima View Post
            I fuckin' hate telemarketers.

            I'm gonna start answering my phone like that. "TALIBAN"

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            • #36
              Originally posted by kingoftheforest View Post
              I fuckin' hate telemarketers.

              I'm gonna start answering my phone like that. "TALIBAN"
              Can you say Air Strike?

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              • #37
                Of course, if I'm to be consistent, my own contibution here would have to be some sort of Bruce Lee porn comedy, right? Fair enough:

                [YOUTUBE]http://youtube.com/watch?v=xaTzosHRUP8[/YOUTUBE]

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                • #38
                  Fifty Years of Math 1958 - 2008

                  Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this?

                  Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950's:

                  1. Teaching Math In 1950's

                  A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?

                  2. Teaching Math In 1960's

                  A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100 His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

                  3. Teaching Math In 1970's

                  A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

                  4. Teaching Math In 1980's

                  A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

                  5. Teaching Math I n 1990's

                  A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )

                  6. Teaching Math In 2008

                  Un hachero vende una carretada de madera por $100. Su costo de produccion es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho el hachero?

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                  • #39
                    That's a riot... And of course more funny because there is some truth to it.

                    Didn't think much of the comedian myself but it seems to be your style...

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Liberty View Post

                      Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950's:

                      1. Teaching Math In 1950's

                      A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?

                      2. Teaching Math In 1960's

                      A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100 His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

                      3. Teaching Math In 1970's

                      A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

                      4. Teaching Math In 1980's

                      A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

                      5. Teaching Math I n 1990's

                      A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )

                      6. Teaching Math In 2008

                      Un hachero vende una carretada de madera por $100. Su costo de produccion es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho el hachero?
                      What about 2028?

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                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Tom Yum View Post
                        What about 2028?
                        a class C space freighter takes off from lunar station 5 traveling 50000 miles per hour......

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Tom Yum View Post
                          What about 2028?
                          Don't you speak Chinese already bro?

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                          • #43
                            2028? We will be trading seashells and beads after the meltdown.

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by DickHardman View Post
                              a class C space freighter takes off from lunar station 5 traveling 50000 miles per hour......
                              Yeah, I was promised cool robots, a personal hovercraft in every home and pills that turn into food when you add water in 10 years, and that was 10 years ago. Now, not only do I not have a hovercraft, but I can't even keep gas in my car.

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                              • #45
                                Guts or Balls...

                                There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

                                GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?''

                                BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.''

                                I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

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