Should we try couples therapy?

[capabilitieso]

I left a while ago but he still wants to try couples therapy.
He says he understands that I won’t get back with him, but that we need to learn to communicate for the sake of the kids (I always seem to be drawn in when he uses the kids welfare as bait, and he know this).
In principle, working out how to communicate sounds reasonable but I’m worried it’s a trap.
I also know that he is almost totally incapable of having a rational discussion – he lies and twists reality, he uses emotional blackmail and coercion, and he makes wild leaps in his argument to fit his narrative. I guess I’m kind of hoping that the counsellor will see through his charming facade and tell it like it is.
Am i being naive? Does anyone else have experiences of couples therapy?

[OliverShultz]

I have a bit of experience of couples therapy before things got really bad and before I knew it was abuse. My ex used it as an opportunity to play the victim

[psy88]

I completely understand your hesitation—it's so hard to navigate situations like this, especially when kids are involved. I was in a similar spot a few years ago with my ex. He suggested online couples counseling for "better communication" after our split, but I had the same doubts about whether it was just a way to reel me back in.What I learned was that a good counselor won't let anyone manipulate the process. They’re trained to spot patterns like emotional blackmail or twisting the truth, and they’ll focus on creating a balanced, productive space. For me, it actually helped clarify boundaries and shift the focus back to co-parenting in a healthier way.