someone help me with my mindset!

[kh_s]

I always have some kind of 'mercy' on the person, whether it be a competition or a real fight, and after it is over I somewhat feel guilty about it. Its bothering me though, he is trying to do the same to me (hurt me)

any thoughts ?? Anyone here the same as me ??

[Ben Dover]

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[Seiryuzenshin]

I understand your qualms.

Part of the key is being able to distinguish "battlegrounds." You need a different mindset for each of competition, street fights, sparring, etc....

As far as competition, say, if you are sparring, I do not care I am best friends with my opponent outside the ring... business is business, and I will do what I need to do to score properly.

In a streetfight, it's a matter of survival (from death or from injury), so it's a completely different mindset. Do what you have to do to shut him down as quickely as possible, to alleviate the situation rapdily. The longer it goes on, the worse things are going to get. The key here though is to stop when the job is done. To many times the "attacker" will give up or run off realizing he made a big mistake, yet the "victim" will continue to beat his a**... this is where big time legal issues come in, and that's a whole 'nother realm.

On another note, when you say that you have "mercy" and feel guilty afterwards, that tells me that you are not really confident with your abilties.

-S

[huey]

to me, feeling guilty after demolishing an opponent shows your human side. you don't like to hurt other people and that is reflected afterwards. that is a lot better than before. from my perspective this means you're normal. well as normal as me (that's not saying much though) because i don't want to hurt anyone either but i will if i have to.
as for helping you deal with this, what works for me and how i teach this issue is to not look into your opponents face, eyes especially, during any point of the altercation. smack dab in the middle of his chest you focus. this will eleviate the problem of seeing the expressions on his face (pain, psyche out, angry, etcetera) and you can see what his shoulders are telegraphing as well as his feet or other body language using your peripheral vision. your reaction time will increase too because you are not locked onto something that moves in the same fashion that eyes and or the head does. you can also see what is going on around you a little better. if your opponent goes down you keep looking away from his face as you back off this way it is a body and not a person you just hammered.
think about it, when yo make contact with someone for the first time and they don't look you in the eye doesn't it make you wonder about the person?
it gives me that weird feeling that they are up to something. i always look someone in the eye when i first meet them there is a connection that is made when we meet people that is met or averted by the eye contact.
hope this helps.

[konghan]

to me, feeling guilty after demolishing an opponent shows your human side. you don't like to hurt other people and that is reflected afterwards. that is a lot better than before. from my perspective this means you're normal. well as normal as me (that's not saying much though) because i don't want to hurt anyone either but i will if i have to.
as for helping you deal with this, what works for me and how i teach this issue is to not look into your opponents face, eyes especially, during any point of the altercation. smack dab in the middle of his chest you focus. this will eleviate the problem of seeing the expressions on his face (pain, psyche out, angry, etcetera) and you can see what his shoulders are telegraphing as well as his feet or other body language using your peripheral vision. your reaction time will increase too because you are not locked onto something that moves in the same fashion that eyes and or the head does. you can also see what is going on around you a little better. if your opponent goes down you keep looking away from his face as you back off this way it is a body and not a person you just hammered.
think about it, when yo make contact with someone for the first time and they don't look you in the eye doesn't it make you wonder about the person?
it gives me that weird feeling that they are up to something. i always look someone in the eye when i first meet them there is a connection that is made when we meet people that is met or averted by the eye contact.
hope this helps.

Being merciful & showing mercy to your opponent is a good virtue & is actually part of being a good MA. But show mercy only when you are sure that you are out of danger. Beside taking or accidentally taking another life is a very serious business & can sometimes come back to haunt you unless circumstances is beyond your control when the struggle or fight is a life & death situation.

I too have a mercy heart, but before I show mercy I would do everything in my power to defend myself & I always pray to God that I have control on my fury & my action. And it was becuase of my mercy attitude that stop me from stabbing a car theif ( 20 yrs ago ) whom I caught breaking into my car. He was arm with a 12 inch screw driver when I confronted him by charging straight at him while yelling at him, he turn around pointed his screw driver at me, but before he could do anything I guess he lost his composure, he started to quick step back while holding on to his screw driver bump into the back of the car, he lost his balance fell one knee down & drop his screw driver. By that time I was already right on top of him, standing on top of him, I instinctively pick up the crew driver. I was about to stab him when suddenly, something made me stop. I then decided to scare him away, he scamper so quickly in all fours. After that I contemplated, I almost stab a person what if I had stab him? would he have died?

Beside showing mercy can in most cases be more rewarding becuase the beaten person will be gratefull & sometimes become your freind & reform his bad ways.

Part of MA training is to train one to be fearless & to fight with ferocity. But control is also part of MA training.

In a tournament setting, we don`t have to worry about showing mercy becuase there are rules & there are referees , judges & medics that will step in to prevent any serious injuries to combatants. In that setting I always go all the way & have the officlas do the mercying.

[IPON]

I always have some kind of 'mercy' on the person, whether it be a competition or a real fight, and after it is over I somewhat feel guilty about it. Its bothering me though, he is trying to do the same to me (hurt me)

Well Mercy and guilty are not really shared terms. I agree, to be merciful is the martial way. However, if you are feeling guilty (least if I understand what you are saying) it is not becuase you are being merciful but because you are not fully committing. I do not think that you have been in too many "Real or Serious" fights and are showing that much mercy nor do I think in competition you much be getting hit that much, becuase if you were ift would change your feeling of guilt.

It may be that you simply need to toughen up and develop a competitors metality, do not let somone beat you be the best you can be-if somone does beat you make them earn it. Fighting is not for wimps so you should make a decision what side of the wall you choose to to be on: the preditor or the prey.

I am not sure if many would agree with this statement but IMHO Mercy (in terms of MA) is generally not easy and it is something in which we should all strive. If mercy comes easy that means you are not either being challegened or or the situation is not dire either case there is not hing to feel guilty about.

In training or competition the goal is never to injure the opponent, I certainly would not wish injury on anyone I competed/trainined against. Fighting or SD is a different story. Compassion may get you laid up in the hospital or a pine box.

No flame just my 2 cents

[guy incognito]

guy incognito

If your in a self defence situation commit yourself fully to defending yourself.Save your guilt,compassion,and remorse for afterwards.Always remember though that for self defence you may only use equal and reasonable force.We had a guy kick box someone in the head while defending himself.The guy who got kicked fell to the ground and hit his head on the cement.Any way the judge ruled that he used his skills on an untrained and unsuspecting victim.As a result is seving sentence for manslaughter.